i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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