Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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