i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Randomize
