He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
