I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
