I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
