My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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