I got chris browned last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
