you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
