It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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