A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I CAN MOONWALK!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
