i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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