At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
