dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
