He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
