She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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