Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
