apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize