When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I pour the whiskey from now on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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