i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
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I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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