There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
