I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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