I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
