wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize