Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
