Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
