Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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