mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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