____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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