he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
