let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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