sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
