i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
