Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
