you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
