the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
