All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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