Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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