I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
