Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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