We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
