I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
