forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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