It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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