i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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