So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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