Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
