i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
