i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
