My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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