you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
