I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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