My liver just broke up with me...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
