my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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