Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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