So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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