So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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