This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
