your thong is hanging out like whoa
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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