a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
