Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
God, I missed his penis.
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