So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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