i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
