i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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