The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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