i don't like sucking hair
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
