Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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