I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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