I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
