I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
